the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
