i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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