i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
