He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
