i just had sex bonerless
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize