I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
