I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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