i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
