i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
