I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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