apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
