you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
