K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
