I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
