is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
BRING THE BAGELS
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
