never play flip cup with pint glasses
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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