I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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