idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
