I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
