You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
