you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
