Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I need a burrito and a hug.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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