I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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