She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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