Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
