my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize