The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
