you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
