How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
