The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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