my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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