every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
