I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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