How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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