i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
