My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
