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Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
