2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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