My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
