I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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