Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
