If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
