if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
