I'm sorry my penis didn't work
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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