piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
