Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
