dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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