I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
