WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
