woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
