My sheets look like a crime scene.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
honey bunches of taint.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
