I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
