Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
