There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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