I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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