I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
