I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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