just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
