I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
did i walk over a car last night?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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