i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
