I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
