she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
