you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
