Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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