R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
