so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
